I'm writing a story.

Yeah! I'm writing a story. Well, my alter ego is.maybe I'll post it in my personal if I get good feedback. but yeah..... i don't really know. Maybe I'll post it in here so I could save it. or in wattpad or where ever. Something in me wanted to be a writer, but I could be that and still be a doctor. I'll find a way. I have to. If I want to survive both my academical and social(?) life, then I have to stay sane. and be crazy well, just on front of a laptop or an ipad or a phone, well, basically, The internet. I don't even know if you read this... But i figred, I only get page views 'cause people think that I am the Real_Liam_Payne. Well, I'm not, sorry to ruin your moment. I just wanted to stay hidden. if even possible. I'm not ready to show myself just yet.

Is this just a phase?

Why do i get irritated so easily? It's like if I decide not to like you, I don't like anything you do. Like I'd just shut you down on every conversation we are going to have. I'm trying to be nice, but I think the hate comes out naturally. And it's fucking annoying to think that I'm like this. I hate myself for being like this. But I also hate people. Shit! Is something wrong with me? Should I go see a shrink or something? Is it even healthy.

I wanna see a shrink but I don't have the money to do so. I don't know why, but maybe I just wanna talk to someone. Maybe I'm scared to talk to someone... Or maybe I feel superior towards people but I'm really not. Ugh!

Disappointment

I'm so disappointed at myself. Mad is overrated. But what I don't understand, is that no matter how I try I still end up failing. Obviously I don't try my best but I tried. Am I that stupid that I barely pass? Am I such a dummy to not even have an almost-past-just-needed-a-little-push score? I'm not like this. It's getting in to me. I want to talk to someone but I don't know who to talk to. I'm not scared that I'd be humiliated, or people would talk about me. That's bullshit. Being disappointed at myself is one thing, but the people you love getting disappointed too is what I'm scared of. I belong to a brilliant family. I don't know, but they seemed to have effortlessly good grades! They top exams. They graduate as valedictorians, and I'm just here, barely making it. I have a lot of regrets in life. The biggest regret I've aver have is believing in myself too much. Thinking that I can still do it. Thinking that I'll make it. That just passing is good enough. I never wanted to be on top of my class. I think that there's too much pressure. But I get it now, they study hard so they won't get stressed about passing. I'm so disappointed. I didn't make it. I'm a failure.

Bored. (One Direction)

So I'm really bored. But I don't know what to write about. So I'm just gonna do what I am suppose to do on this blog. Tell a story. Haha

I don't know if people actually read what I write here. But I don't really mind if they do or don't. As long as I write.

Well, my url says "liamsbirthmark" i think. Pertaining to Liam Payne's neck birthmark. Some of you might know. And The name that pops out, says Liam Payne, composes these blogs. But clearly he's not. You see, I'm a fan of Liam. In fact, as I said to my previous blog, I love One Direction. No need to judge. I have a pretty good reason I love them.

For some people, they're just a good-looking, boy band with accents. To fans, they're these five boys who, to be honest, are actually just the boys you see in school. Only with better hair. People say we only like them because of their looks. Yes, that adds up to why we love them. But what really struck me is their personalities. They don't care if they look stupid in front of people. They didn't care what other people think of them, because they know that they have each other to lean on. Gay, you may say, well if being true to yourself on and off screen is gay. Then might as well Have everybody gay. Boys, admit it. If you were given the opportunity to inspire other people and get paid of what you do most, would you actually turn them down? I'm not here to rub their success on anyone's face so I'm gonna stop there.

Back to how i like them. Before, i have told you that I was used to liking rock music. Now, One Direction. Honestly, They're the only exception to my musical taste. Because, their personalities struck me. I am what you call "one of the boys" kind of girl. So seeing good-looking teenage boys and they sing. Well, that!/ panty-dropping. I have a weakness for happy boys. You know, mischievous.

But apart from the mischief they do, One boy struck me most. My greatest weakness, THE SMILE. When I saw Liam smile, he just looks so happy. I watched his 2010 audition on X factor, and he smiled in the end. It was adorable. The fact that he sang a Michael Bublé song, then he looks so broad and masculine for a 16-year-old. With such a powerful voice... You wouldn't believe that that adorable smile could actually come from a guy like that. Which made it more adorable.

Honestly, out of the five, i prefer Liam's voice the most. No biased done. And I'll explain why soon. I just have to sign off for a moment. :)

-K

School

School hasn't been in my favor these past few weeks. Or am I not in favor of school. Anyway, I'm not liking it. I needed the drive. I've got the motivation down, but I just can't push myself. It's not like I don't care. I just get distracted a lot. Then I end up regretting everything. It's like I'm numb from all the bad grades, I just accept with what I do. I hate this feeling. I want to be better. But i don't know how.

-K

Musical Taste

My musical taste is pretty much like a typical tongue. I can tolerate everything.but i still have preferences and choose not to listen to some genres. You'll find my taste as quite surprising though.

I basically grew up listening to rock. I regret nothing. I love rock music. Alternative, punk, metal, ska. any kind actually. As I grow older, I start making friends, and those friends happen to be into something else apart from rock. From my country, you seldom see girls liking rock music. People here are very judgemental about girls who like rock. it's like, "When you like rock music, You must be a dude." like, WTF?

So i started to listen to some pop music. It was kind of hard to adjust to it at first. it seemed very unusual to me. Lyrics become more shallow. It's like listening without actually understanding.

I don't get how people love these kinds of music at first. I mean, they all lead to something. Your partner cheats on you and you take revenge by writing a song about that person. Or how awesome the party was last night so I wanna party again. Something like that. I didn't really get the concept of love songs. I mean, yeah rock music has love songs too. But some are just, sorry for the lack of vocabulary, stupid. I may be paraphrasing some lyrics but generally, these lyrics are like, "I can't believe you would leave me. How could you leave me? I'm perfect." or something like, "you are evrerything to me. don't ever leave me again. I love you". Well maybe a broken heart is one way to reach that musical stardom. I get it. All I want to know, is how are they better that any songs?

I'm loosing my point here. Musical taste. I liked songs by mainstream bands. Like, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Boys Like Girls etc. I love some actually. But what struck me most is underground music. Especially Coheed and Cambria. They are my heroes. well, not really. Brandon Boyd is, and his from Incubus. But my point is, I love them! I love progressive rock. The transition between bits of he song makes it perfect. From subtle to hardcore. It's like killing you softly.

Then comes the biggest plot twist of all! I started to like MAINSTREAM POP MUSIC! I was like, ehh, not bad. But then Maroon 5 came to the picture! Then... get ready... ONE DIRECTION. OK.for those who wants to stop reading, it's fine. But if you keep on reading, you might understand.

I was completely fine with my music preference when 5 idiots showed up and basically stole my heart. It may sound funny but... I like One Direction as people. Not as musicians. Yes, they have good music. But nothing beats the adrenaline I get from listening to Megalomaniac or Welcome Home. I mean. You can't compare Brandon Boyd's poetic abilities from Niall Horan's mainstream lyrics. Brandon blows my mind. He's my inspiration. 

If i was to choose between One Direction and Incubus, I would definitely pick Incubus. They're the reason I loved music in the first place. They made me into this. I may have a fucked up musical taste. But i have one Philosophy that would probably be against music itself but... "It's the lyrics that makes the song."

How It All Started

I am not from a family of musicians. In fact, my parents haven't played a note their whole life. So how did I develop the passion for music? It's basically because of my sister. She introduced me to a lot of bands. At a young age, nine to be exact, my sister had me listening to Incubus and Green Day. Then I started to get amazed by how they made music.

My sister brought home a guitar which she borrowed from a friend. She taught me how to play. A major was the first chord I've ever played. It felt awesome.

As I grew up. I started to learn how to play instruments myself. i started to learn how to play the Piano and the Guitar. Years and years have I been searching for the right instrument to play. Then I turned 14. I joined a band. I had no experience at playing the drums but I joined as the drummer anyway. My brother played the drums. so did my sister. I asked them both to teach me how to play the drums. They didn't. They said something like, it's difficult to teach or something. So i tried learning myself. And I did. I learned how to play the drums. It felt good! I don't know why but when I played the drums  I feel very powerful! Like all the stress I have gets tapped off when i bang the drums. I felt Infinite.

I loved playing the drums. I'm not as good as other people. What do you expect from a 14-year-old girl who  can't read music, taught herself to play and had no drums to play in the first place? But it didn't stop me. I did air-drumming! I rented music rehearsal studios along with my band mates. All I wanted to do, was to make music. Listen, interpret and recreate. I just think of music as weed to my ears. Every time I listen to good music, It feels like I'm on top of the world and just imagine life having no end. Just life as it is.