I need...

I have never been the girl who distinguish my priorities. My wants and needs were basically the same. But now, I feel all regret. I use to be the hirl to be just chill about stuff and not care if this happens. I'm never the girl who cared what tomorrow might be. I just live life. But now that i look at what might the future have for me, i starting to doubt that i'd ever reach the future that i want. The future that i NEED. The last few days I was having my exams. I study. But i don't study well. I aee people panicking about how they didn't study enough and yet they know a lot. And then there's me... I read. I don't even try to memorize things anymore. I feel like this is something that will just swift away and no one would remember. But when i see my friends, passing and getting high grades, i feel so down. I feel... Disappointed. I'm not dumb but i think i'm stupid enough to let go of all the opportunities that come by me. It's kinda cliche to ask for a motivation or an inspiration. But i think... I know that it's something that i need right now. I just want to burst into tears. I don't have a bestfriend to talk to, my siblings are away to ask advice for, i'm quite distant from my mom. I live with my aunt but she's very strict when it comes to academics. Our family is more on the intellect side, i'm not doubting myself of not being smart. I think i am, i can be. I just don't have the drive to be smart.

So i started this blog to for it to be a one sided conversation eith myself. Maybe writing about it will lessen the hate and disappointment that i have towards myself.  Maybe i don't need to improve. Maybe i just have to change.

-K